A poem by Blessing, winner of our Refugee Week poetry competition in Portsmouth.
Flooded with heavy emotion, my heart builds a steady momentum of grief yet I have lost no close one, suddenly it has come time to reap the rewards of unrelenting torment.
It has built a mountain of debt and pay I must,
I force shut my eyes, perhaps wishing blindness in an attempt that I may avoid the inevitable.
The day has come, I thought I could avoid this moment perhaps till later,
Who could have known that sorrow is like destiny? It is neither planned nor organised.
I am a man of many years, age has been my best friend, and from it I have life experience.
I remember the impossible, my baby years as I was gently cuddled by my Mother with her hand firmly held at the back of my head as she breast fed me. How strange that I now recall the comfort and safety I felt then as I suckled her areola. It is now then that I wish I could curl myself like I did as a foetus and be held by my Mother.
Suddenly I taste the salty tears as they stream down my face, I know hurt, profound sadness and pain. My heart is stabbed by grief, yet I have lost no close one.
How persistent this force of emotion is that I see no end. If I should end, perhaps then I will be set free.
My time has come so bravely I shall embrace.
I am ready to face death. I smile without fear of this moment.
Generations past have had a fear of the unknown, but I feel no such.
What could be worse than that I feel now? My life has been time faithfully dedicated to sadness,
Attached to misfortune and misery I have breathed a day in and a day out.
I have sought the mercy of my peers but instead harvested their ridicule.
How cruel humanity is, but I am not surprised. I am alone; I embrace this moment with a smile.
It is time and I shall be free.
Pain shall haunt me no more, freedom awaits me and a heart full of sorrow will be no more. I have fought a war over the many suns and moons of my life, my age has seen the darkness of humanity in its time.
Bravely I face the inevitable, time has come.
Like a leaf about to fall from a tree, I prepare myself, it is time.
Though my creator is a superior being, he must have forgotten me for I have lived and suffered this life in solitude.
My heart has known no other but sadness.
Now as I cross over, sorrow stares at me no more. Its haunting gone forever as memories of me shall be remembered by no one.
I rid this world of me as I rid myself of this sorrow. What could you have expected that mine eyes saw, for sorrow was but my only friend, my neighbour, my lover and my Master.
With these sleeping eyes, I see passing life and its reflection in the mirror that I call my nightly dream. My life away from life.
Blessing, Southampton 2010
Tags: Poetry, Portsmouth, Refugee Week
Posted by Esme Peach